Thursday, July 4, 2013

Who wipes their ass with 100% cotton bunnies every day?

Photo credits: Thank you, j m griffin

I'm going to keep this is as clean as I possibly can. 

There's this strange new fashion running in around in families with pretty decorative napkins called "Poo Wipes". Homemade poo wipes. Sew your own decorative poo wipes with beautiful embroidery and owls or little blue and brown sparrows, and then throw them in the trash next to your toilet. I mean hell, there's bunnies? Who wipes their ass with 100% cotton bunnies every day? 

Pooping has never been so... crafty...?

And then the hippie mothers, which I too once had bonded with my earth loving sisters, had begun a new ridiculous trend to throw on top of this. "Reusable pads". Reusable menstruating pads. I'm not kidding. Same concept. Except you leave it in your pants. And.. I just can't imagine.

Now, I'm not being a typical consumer. Sure, I've.. gone out to venture in the woods like bears and used the leaves. (Camping is camping in my family. We do not raise poons.) However, I refuse to use fabric that has gone from the other side of the world and back. So to speak. Because that's nasty as hell. 

I mean seriously, I have been broke. I have been flat broke. I have been so broke that I've had peas for dinner. But I still had toilet paper. And if I didn't I had something else. I had a paper towel. I had kleenex. And oh hell, have I had uncomfortable scratchy fast food napkins.

But there's no way in hell, that you could have convinced my broke white ass that it needs cotton cloth covered in decorative circles and blue jays.

If, if you should feel so inclined to save the environment with your rear, then please let me suggest two things to you...

1. A bidet
A water spray for cleaning that is not nasty as hell. 
2. Diva Cup
A diva cup is the CLEAN alternative to the alternative of anything else alternative. Yes, it's a little pricey at first. But if your goal is to not have to buy feminine hygiene products.. then there you go. You're set for at least a year.

 (You're not saving the environment by pouring all of that detergent and bleach back into the environment anyway.)

And to prevent men from being disgusted, I will kindly just post a video below. And if you click on the blue links above, I've linked you to the best quality for the lowest price. 

keywords: homemaking, bathroom, toilet paper, derrier, reusable wipes, environment, economy, economics, trees, paper vs cloth, 

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